Featured story November 8, 2013
The Zombie Survival Workout: You don't need to be fast, just faster than the slowest person
All these zombie movies that have been coming out probably have you thinking, "I wonder if I would survive a zombie apocalypse?" I bet most of you think you would fair pretty well, right? Before answering this, let me paint you a picture of what you will be dealing with. They definitely are not the slow moving, crippled zombies from the "Thriller" video that look like they have just finished a killer leg workout (If you've ever lifted legs hard, you know exactly what I'm talking about). I'm talking about the "I Am Legend" and "World War Z" zombies that for some reason have crazy speed and want nothing more than to rip your face off and feed it to their crazy zombie dogs! (That's right, there are zombie dogs in this scenario) Now how do you think you would do? Still feeling pretty good about it?
Lucky for you, I've come up with a workout that will give you the best fighting chance to fend off those filthy fellows.
Random side question: Anyone else ever wonder why zombies are always so mean and aggressive? Why can't there be pacifist zombies or zombie monks? I don't get it.
Alright, back to business. This set of workouts is intense and focuses on functional strength, speed and agility, and muscular endurance. Giant biceps and "show" muscles look great and all, but if you can't even bend your arms, how can you expect to reach back and fight off a group of zombies that have launched themselves onto your huge landing pad of a back?
Every exercises is designed to have you jumping higher, running faster, swinging harder (maybe an axe or baseball bat?) and being able to repeat any motion many times with the same strength as the first rep (sorry powerlifters, you gave it your best shot).
Do each of these exercises for 1 minute straight without breaking. Perform the following exercises as part of a circuit, resting 15 seconds between sets. After each circuit, rest 2 minutes, then repeat. Perform 3 circuits of the following exercises:
Today is all about speed and agility. You need to be fast. You don't necessarily have to be faster than the zombies; just make sure you can outrun the fatter guy next to you and you'll probably be fine.
Here's what you will be doing:
Luckily the zombie apocalypse hasn't happened yet, so you still have this luxury. Use this time to stretch and thoroughly research your eventual foe.
A time will come when you need to fight the zombies head on. I'm here to help you develop the power needed to make sure they don't get back up after you smack them with a baseball bat (my theoretical weapon of choice, being a Giants fan and all).
Here is a list of exercises you will need in your arsenal:
Note: Use the machines and weights they have in the gym. Keep the bats and crowbars at home. I don't think they will let you bring in your own "workout" equipment.
Do a little foam rolling and some simulation drills, but only light contact and at half speed. Don't want anyone getting hurt in training, otherwise you'll be the only one left for the zombies to go after.
The most important way to survive a zombie attack is to stay with a team and make yourself as useful as possible. For the smaller guys out there, it's going to be tough for you. In the coming months, you will need to focus on putting on some size so you can carry more ammunition/supplies and off more zombies (If you're not planning on keeping track of how many zombies you kill, how will you know if you beat the high score?).